I got home at two in the morning, almost on the dot. Which I consider pretty good, considering the circumstances. My mother did not agree.
“Your father and I were worried sick for hours! We ran down to the arcade, you weren’t there. We ran down to Daniel’s, you weren’t there! Where the hell were you Jacob!?” She yelled at me.
All I could do was sit on my bed trying not to scream from the pain beneath my skin. I looked her in the eyes, and pretended like I could see her through my blurry vision. My ears rang and all I could say was ‘I don’t know’ to all of her questions.
More than anything I was just happy I made it home without getting robbed or passing out from the pain in a ditch somewhere. Tears formed in my eyes from holding back the pain. I guess my mother saw this as me breaking down or something because she grabbed me and held me in an embrace.
My father was in the living room avoiding the conversation entirely. I could hear him watching the news. For once, I was happy he’s avoiding me. Couldn’t bring himself to yell at his precious little walking corpse, I suppose.
“We’re gonna make it through this, okay? We’re gonna make it through this together.” My mother said, squeezing me so tight it actually became a little hard to breathe.
I’m sorry. I’m just in too much pain to feel sad right now. Because I’m an idiot, I almost died tonight and I’m not going to tell you about it because I’m afraid you’ll try and stop me next time. Which you should, because it’s incredibly dangerous and I could die at any moment and likely not even from the criminals, but hey, those are a factor too!
I’m rambling in my head again. And I won’t stop.
Shut up already!
I pulled away before she did. She gave me the most heartwarming fake smile in the world before turning around and walking out into the hall. When I heard her close the door, I immediately took the suit out of my bag and began working on it to fix on the bugs that I’d made mental notes of.
I pulled out a notebook from a shelf and started jotting down different improvements, bug fixes, and things I should take out of the design. I considered scrapping the tail completely, as whatever added balance it allowed me didn’t really make up for the awkward movements it caused when I ran. But I decided to keep it because any extra balance is a gift when I’m jumping across rooftops.
I considered adding blade-like claws to the fingers like on the toes, but scrapped that idea because it would make it impossible to hold things or make a fist. Plus I needed more nonlethal methods of subduing people. The awkwardness of the toe claw almost pierced the neck of spittle-beard, and I didn’t want to be a murderer. I can’t have another person’s death on my mind.
Maybe a heat sensor? I’d always considered the toe claws more as a practical way to scale flat surfaces more than I considered them a weapon. Though having it stopped with a heat sensor would mean on warmer days I wouldn’t be able to scale walls or even walk very well. Maybe if I worked on whatever was causing it to not respond as well.
I found it a little hard to have a sustainable train of thought. I wasn’t sure if that was because of excitement or an effect of wearing the suit. Maybe having heightened senses screwed up my brain functions. I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.
Not like it matters that much anyway.
I put up my notes and got ready for bed in the hopes that it would clear my mind enough to think properly. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and then hopped onto my bed in my street clothes. Despite the excitement, the bad news, and the pain, I passed out almost as soon as I landed on the mattresses.
…
I was on top of a skyscraper watching the sunrise. My feet dangled off the edge of the tallest building I’d ever seen. The giant ball of light that was the sun in the distance made the entire world look so small. The glass city shined orange. I kicked my feet back and forth rhythmically. There was no wind, because none of this was real.
I think somewhere deep down I realized that I was asleep, but I wasn’t connected to that somewhere, not in that moment. The clouds looked like giant wisps of orange cotton candy slowly drifting past. I wondered where they’re headed, why they’re moving there so slowly. Danny stood behind to the right of me. He was wearing sunglasses and a blue shirt and jeans. His arms were crossed and his face lacked joy. He looked down at me with a sadness too real to be real.
“You know what you did was wrong.” He said. Cold, blunt. Without any sign of understanding.
“I never claimed to be a good person, Danny Boy.” I responded in an almost sing-song way. I kicked my feet a little too hard. I felt as though I might almost slip off the edge of the skyscraper but I didn’t. Not yet.
“You could’ve died. What would your parents have thought? Hearing you died in a monkey costume in the backyard of a crackhouse?” Danny said deadly serious. He sounded pained. I laughed at the ridiculousness of the sentence.
“It’d make one hell of a story, wouldn’t it?” I made sure not to laugh so hard that I fell. He took another step towards me. I could almost feel his gaze. Another figure approached to the left of me. This one was wearing a red shirt. I could tell that it was Jack, the boy I’d saved that night, but only from the massive bruises on his face and the big toothy smile.
“Do you think this is funny!?” Danny growled at me. His voice seemed to echo throughout reality. He grabbed my shoulder.
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? The kid saved my life. He stopped a crazed psycho from slitting my throat.” Jack said. His voice is calm and regulated. Like a comedian’s voice right before they get to the punchline.
“He doesn’t even know you!” He yelled at Jack. Then he looked down at me, taking the sunglasses off. Suddenly a dark cloud fell over the skyscraper. It started to rain down hard. Lightning flashed in the distance, and thunder bellowed too close for comfort.
“Do you know how terrified I was? When your parents came to my house in the middle of the night, saying you’d run away!? On the same day that you told me that you had nine months left to live!?” He shoved me a little. I felt a sudden jolt move through my body, but Jack caught me by my shirt. Danny looked shocked, he stared down at his hands as though he’d just murdered someone.
“What’s right isn’t always what’s good.” Jack said while looking at Danny with a judgemental face.
“And what you did tonight was the right thing. You saved me, you saved whoever those idiots were going to kill next. You’re a good person. Now, Jacob, it’s time to wake up…” Then he let go. I fell for a long time. The rain disappeared somewhere during the conversation, I’m not sure. The last thing I remember is my arm reaching out towards a clear blue sky as I fell.
…
I woke up with a jolt.
What was I dreaming about? Falling? I think Danny was there, maybe. Ugh… My head hurts.
I made my way to my bathroom across the hall and brushed my teeth. I got a good look at myself in the mirror. My long black hair was in complete disarray, pointing out in every little direction. My bangs were so long they completely covered my eyes. I brushed them aside but they always end up right back in front of my eyes. My eyes are a metallic grey color.
After several minutes of fighting my own hair, my right eye was still covered by my bangs but my left eye was untouched. I considered that a victory. My skin was much paler than I was used to, simply because of my visit to the hospital and the lack of activity that allowed me.
I gave the mirror the biggest smile I could muster.
They say smiling at yourself in the mirror once a day is an effective treatment against depression.
Not that I’m depressed anyway…
Before I left I turned on the tv in my room, to kill a few minutes. I switched it to a local news channel. At first the two smug reporters were talking about some stupid new lab being developed in the city by some mega corporation. Then they cut to a video feed of a crack house with police tape surrounding it. A voice-over explained the significance of the house:
“Early this morning, a local woman and her son were ruthlessly attacked by the mother’s boyfriend, Jones Carson.” A mugshot of a tattooed and scarred bald man showed up on a screen.
A very helpful label underneath read ‘Jones Carson.’ “After tying them both up he invited two of his friends over to torture and mutilate the boy and his mother. Eventually slaying the mother in front of her son… But it seems at the last minute, the boy was saved by a guardian angel.” The voice-over stopped.
The video cut to Jack. It was a bit of a system shock to see him on tv. It made the whole situation feel a lot more real. He was in a hospital bed, with a cast on one of his hands. Apparently I didn’t even notice that those idiots had broken his bones. His face is covered in bruises, major swelling on his cheek made his head look kind of like a swelled up watermelon.
“He saved my life.” Jack said with a big smile, despite the swelling. “Who was he?” A reporter asked. “He said he was a superhero. And I believe him.” Jack replied.
“Well tha-” The reporter was cut off.
“He saved me. He saved my life.” Jack repeated.
The video then cut to a drawing done by an investigator. It was a decent sketch of my suit for someone who’d never seen it. Several details were poorly done though. They made the eyes look hollow and empty, but if you saw them up close you’d see tiny little sensors all over the lenses that look like tiny black dots. Another problem with the sketch was they covered the hands in fur, the fur ends at my wrists and ankles. Even worse is that they neglected to draw the tail.
My mother hollered at me to get downstairs as the image faded away. I hopped in mom’s little silver car, and she started our drive over to the high school. I got in the back even though there was room in the front. I couldn’t stand to look her in the eye after the night before.
“How was school yesterday?” Mom asked. She looked at me in the mirror. I could see her adjust her glasses and fix her hair that’d been haphazardly shoved into a ponytail.
“Eh. It’s school. Nothing interesting ever really happens.” I tried hard not to sound too dismissive. I wanted to talk to her, I just don’t think I know how to talk to people anymore. She stared at me through the mirror. I could only see her upper face. I’m not sure what emotion she was trying to express. The car stopped right in front of the steps leading to the high school.
“Do you want to go see a movie tonight? Just you and me, like when you were little.” Mom asked as I grabbed my backpack and opened the car door to leave. She sounded so fragile. I weighed my options in my head. I definitely wouldn’t survive two nights in a row running around in the suit.
I’m sorry Mom. You need to move on.
And I need to do something with what little time I have left.
“Uh… No thanks, mom.” It hurt to say. I couldn’t meet her eyes, because I knew it really hurt if I did. I shut the door behind me before I could give her the chance to say anything in response.
Death puts everything through a filter. Every day feels so much greater, because I have a time limit. It makes me think I should be doing so much more with my time with each second. I’d asked them to let me keep going to school, they almost didn’t want me to spend my last few healthy months going here.
But I’d always loved school. I’d shoved the suit into the bottom of my backpack, as a safety precaution. I didn’t genuinely think that anything would happen to me, but I’d rather have it and not need it then the alternative. Danny was waiting for me in the student center. He was leaning against his locker by the trash can, reading some fancy classical book. He likes to look more sophisticated than he actually is.
“What fancy book are we reading today?” I asked him as I approached. The look he gave me was devoid of that fun friendly humor that I was trying to display.
“What happened last night?” It was a quick question. He didn’t really need to specify what he meant. It was obvious he was talking about my mysterious disappearance.
“Would you believe me if I told you I tried to join the circus?” I said with a smirk. He looked me up and down.
“Can you please take this seriously? Your parents were just about to call the cops when your neighbors called them. How did you end up unconscious on someone’s lawn?” He asked with concern. I was unaware that my parents were about to call the cops, but I suppose that made sense.
“The circus didn’t like my act.” I replied, then tried to yank the book out of his hands. He quickly moved it out of the way, and then lifted it high above his head. I jumped up and try to reach for it but the height difference was too great.
“I don’t know why I expected you to take this seriously, when you can’t even talk about cancer without acting like an idiot… But dude… I stayed up til three A.M. thinking about what happened to you. You scared me to death.” He said everything after ‘idiot’ in a quiet hushed voice. As if the fact that he was concerned about me was embarrassing. I continued jumping up and reaching for the book.
“What are you two morons doing?” A familiar voice said from behind us.
“Hey Mar.” Danny said, while moving the book to his other hand. I stopped trying to steal his property and looked behind me. Mar was standing with her hands on her hips and looking at me with a strange look I couldn’t quite pin down. Then she pulled me into a tight embrace.
“Hey, Margaret the second.” I said. She continued to squeeze me even tighter.
“Never call me that again.” She said when she released me from her death grip. I flashed her a big toothy smile.
“I swear, I was dealing with some very important family stuff or I would’ve been here to see you yesterday.” She sounded very apologetic.
Girls are weird… Speaking of which… “Where’s Emily?” I asked Mar. Then I gave myself a second to memorize her appearance.
Might be the last time I see you. You never know.
She was taller than me, but that didn’t mean much. Her skin was neither super tan nor exceptionally pale. Her wild brown hair was cut shoulder length to fit her tomboy facade. Her eyes were exceptionally hazel, and if you looked closely you could notice her contacts. She had a strong athletic build, more like a gymnast than a softball player though. She had a mole on the right half of her neck, just barely below her chin. She was wearing a black Tally Hall t-shirt that was tucked into her white jeans.
“I texted her and told her that you were back, she hasn’t responded. I’m sure she’ll find you in her own time.” Mar’s words were delicately chosen, which annoyed me a little. Emily was a bit more concerning. She was delicate, to say the least. I imagined the news about my situation would be a lot for her to handle. I prepared myself that I might not see her for a while. Which was ironic, given what she was upset about.
“Ah well. She’ll come around eventually.” I said with fake assurance. Mar nodded her head. “Are you guys busy tonight? I want to catch a movie.” Mar asked cheerily.
“I’ve got nothing going on.” Danny said, looking up from his book as he continued reading and leaning against his locker.
Oh come on. You just put me in a catch 22. If I say no I hurt your feelings, just after I got back to school no less, and if I say yes then I really hurt my mom’s feelings.
I don’t think Mom will accept ‘going to the arcade’ again. Plus I hate lying to her like that.
“Nah, I’ve got something going on tonight. Can we do it next week?” I said. Almost instantly Danny’s eyebrows raised up as he stared me down.
“Is this something the same thing you did last night?” Danny’s voice was just filled with accusations. It always irked me when people get overly emotional at the slightest provocation.
“Well if you must know. I have some homework to catch up on.” I said. The muscles on Danny’s face didn’t relax at all but he still stopped staring me down and turned back to his book. I think on some level he understood that I was lying. I’ve never been behind on homework in my life, and this is far from my first hospital vacation. Though it was probably still my last.
“Wait, what’d Jacob do last night?” Mar said after some awkward silence between Danny and I.
“I don’t know, what did you do last night Jacob?” Danny asked.
Suddenly they were both staring me down with curious eyes. A million lies went through my head but none of them were good enough to both make their interest go away and get me off the hook.
“I don’t suppose catching up on homework is an answer you’d take?” I shrank back as I spoke. Both of them stared me down, their eyes like daggers. “Didn’t think so.” Well, sometimes the truth works too.
“Okay, you guys up for a little field trip after school, in lieu of a movie?” I asked with a bit of confidence. Inside I was not entirely sure what I was feeling. A tinge of anxiety, excitement, and fear. I looked over at their faces. Danny looked skeptical, but I could see a sense of excitement build up on Mar’s face.
“Sure! Absolutely.” Mar said cheerily.
“Are you going to be showing us where you went last night?” Danny asked. I smiled smugly.
“Of course.” I replied confidently. Danny turned his eyes back to his book.
“Sure dude. But you better tell your parents about this.” Danny said while reading at the same time.
Well, that complicates things.
“Okay, that’s the thing. You’re going to have to lie for me.” I blurted out fast. Danny immediately looked at me with raised eyebrows and a frown. The smile left Mar’s face.
“I’m sorry? What was that?” Danny asked, incredulous.
“If my parents figured out about this they’d never let me go back. I’d be on lockdown, and you know my days ar-” I’m cut off by an interjection from Danny.
“Don’t even. Stop trying to use sympathy to manipulate me, it doesn’t work.” Danny said bluntly. Mar looked over at him, shocked. I tapped the side of my head.
“Tumor. In. My. Brain.” Is all I replied with. He squinted at me, then went back to looking at his book.
“What do you want us to say?” He asked, still not looking up. Mar looked a little relieved.
“I want you to say we’re going over to your house to play video games. I can’t say arcade two nights in a row or she’ll catch on..” I said quickly. Thinking that maybe they’re more likely to go along with it if I say it so fast they agree before their brain registers.
Danny stopped leaning against his locker. He stood up straight and tall, towering above my head. He scanned me up and down several times. He looked as though he was appraising me for the value of my organs. As he stopped to stare at my face, I forced myself to keep up my nervous smile. I tried to keep from any slight involuntary twitching, or even any sweating that might give me away. I forced any and all emotion down to the very bottom of my soul as he stared at me.
“You owe me so much. I’ll lie for you, just this time.” Danny said, calmly. His eyes looked angry. Danny’s always been a straight edge type. He was popular enough to get invited to parties but he never went to them because they always had alcohol and he didn’t drink. Danny was strictly against premarital sex. His father was a preacher, and his grandfather, and a few of his uncles. He had morals and values instilled into his very being. I imagine if literally anybody else in the world had asked him to lie for them he’d have refused. But he just liked me too much.
That was a mistake, on his part. I had no values, I didn’t know what awaited me in the afterlife but I’d known my whole life I would never make it to adulthood. I knew I’d never get married, I knew I’d never have a grown up job or reach any realistic aspirations. I knew that I’d never have children, I’d never experience seeing my parents grow old. I refused to allow myself to fall in love because I didn’t want to hurt someone like that. Like I was hurting my parents. I refused to allow myself to have dreams or aspirations outside of school because I knew that’s the only thing I’d ever get to achieve. So I drowned myself out in science because that’s all I knew. I refused to care about myself and my own well being. All that ever mattered was what came next.
What did I care if I lied to someone? Even if that someone was someone I loved? I was going to die in nine months. That was my whole lifespan, I could mark it on a calendar. Any lie I told won’t matter because I’d be dead and gone before I could face any repercussions. That’s what separated me from everyone else. I stopped being able to care out of pure survival. Why else would I go out dressed up in an animal costume at night, to risk my life punching away at scum and degenerates? For the good of mankind? Psh. Please. I do it for the thrill.
The noise of a ringing bell drowned out a conversation between Danny and Mar about the current state of Emily. I snapped back to my senses as the noise blared in my ears. I put my headphones in my ears, and started playing trashy punk music on my phone as I walked to my first hour. First hour was fortunately my favorite class of the day. This is fortunate because I start every morning off with my favorite class, but also unfortunate because I have absolutely nothing to look forward to throughout the school day.
My first class of the day was history. I was never the biggest history nerd in the world but I’ve always had a pretty good memory for tiny details so tests have always been insanely easy for me. No, I liked this class because of the teacher. Mr. Johnson was a tall man with dark hair cut neatly and brushed in a way that reminded me of businessmen on tv. Despite being a teacher he always wore casual clothing. He came to school in jeans and a black football pullover everyday. Unlike most teachers he never got angry, rarely if ever punished people. He encouraged open and polite conversation, and liked to go off on tangents but still always led it back to the subject at hand.
He reminded me of what I could’ve been in ten or so years. Not that I’d ever be a teacher. I don’t have anything against children but I like the idea of shooting higher than that. Not that I’ve ever had any illusions about my future.
I sat in the very back of the class in a corner. Or I did before my hospital trip anyway. I liked to show up to class before anyone else because it gave me those few sweet minutes of silence to think. But as I walked into Mr. Johnson’s doorway I noticed that I was beaten by only a single person. The one person that had decided to sit next to me when I decided to sit as far away from everyone else as I could. The one, and only, Emily.
Emily was a small girl. She had long blonde hair, and bangs which she used to obscure parts of her face. She had very large glasses she used to hide her eyes. Only showing those close to her the windows to her soul, in a figurative and literal sense. She wore jeans, and a pale white t-shirt with no logo or brand on it. As I sat down next to her she let out a quiet sigh. She looked over at me and stared at me with a very serious face. I grinned real big and had to hold in a laugh.
“Are you trying to look serious?” I asked her.
“I am serious.” She said calmly. Hearing her voice again gave me pause. I was trying my hardest to soften the blow before I had to tell her my news. I could see tears building in her eyes. Before I’d gone to the hospital I told my friends that it was going to be my last, one way or another. She’d remembered.
“Just tell me how long.” She said through tears. Her face was red, her glasses poking through her hair only a little.
The smug smirk left my face. I’d carefully crafted a tone of voice over several years that made me sound as much like a jerk as possible. I’d used this to mock people, to make them assume that I’m an awful, pompous human being. I’d used it to toy with the emotions of the few people that didn’t get the hint after the first time I’d mocked them. I’d lost that tone. I lost my expression. I imagine if I could look in my eyes I would be able to see that I’d lost that spark of life so many people comment on. I’d done this because that’s not what she needed right now. She needed to see the real me.
“Nine months. Give or take a few weeks…” I forced myself to look at her. Because I couldn’t force myself to look away. Mr. Johnson walked in the door as she stood up from her seat. She avoided my eyes.
He walked over to her. He whispered something to her, a question. She nodded her head. He whispered something else, and then held up one finger in a ‘one second’ gesture. I got the gist of the conversation. She walked into the back of the room and into his office. He was the only teacher I’d ever known to have an office separate from his classroom. He’d only ever used it to talk to kids about their problems.
“Jacob, good to see you. Would you mind talking with me outside?” He must’ve seen the confused look on my face because he added, “this isn’t about Emily.” With that I quickly got up and walked out into the hallway. I knew what it was about of course. It was the same thing I’d talked about with everyone I’ve talked with for the past two days. The ticking of my mortal clock. He shut the door behind us. Only a few teachers were in the hallway now, rushing off to classes that they were late to.
“Okay, first off, if you need anything or just need to talk to anyone I’m all ears.” His voice is calm and mature. Far flung from everyone else I’ve talked to. “Second of all, I want you to take a break from school sometime soon. I know that’s a weird thing for a teacher to say but you turned in every single assignment that was due this semester in the hospital and that’s a better job than any student I’ve ever had, so in my book you don’t owe me anything.” He continued. I just nodded, and tried to make a little bit of eye contact every now and then without making so much that I came off as creepy. He let out a sigh.
“Okay, I’m gonna level with you. I’ve been teaching for three years now and I’m not entirely sure how to handle this so I might be overthinking this right now. You wanna let me know how you’re feeling?” He asked, sounding more self aware than any teacher I’d ever had. I was almost stunned into silence, well as stunned into silence as I could ever be. He was actually letting me talk instead of just telling me how I should feel.
“I’m fine. Really. I’m sick of people asking me how I’m feeling, but other than that I’m perfectly fine. Better than before, even.” I said. That seemed to take him by surprise. He raised his eyebrows at me.
“You’re a fascinating child, Jacob.” He said with more concern than he wanted to portray, as he opened the door wide to head into his office to talk down an emotionally distressed teenage girl.
You don’t know the half of it.
